Dear Me,
HOW are you?
I know you’ve been feeling restless and at some point now, you feel like throwing up everything you just ate – the home cooked quarter pounder you cooked last night. Was it because of the thick beef patty or the melted cheese singles? No, because I know what’s been eating you. I know what’s been bothering you these past few days. I know you’re thinking you once told your best friend, I think I’m gonna be ok now, but now you’re thinking what’s this restlessness all of a sudden?
You find yourself being jumped at by memories you thought were already buried by forgetting. You find yourself thinking about the things you sorely miss when you were together. You even thought about writing them down on a list but scrapped the idea, that It’d be like rubbing salt on your wounds. Reminiscing is poison for your already broken heart. Do you wanna kill it altogether? And then you find yourself thinking if he will tell you that he made a mistake and he wants you back when you arrive home next month. Despite your dysfunctional relationship, there remains a want to be back in the mayhem. A want to be needed.
And during the holy mess, how many times was it that you wanted to leave? You wanted to be a good woman and him a good man – that was why you were leaving and that was why you can’t see him no more (Good Woman - Catpower) But you also came back. And got stuck with your indecision of becoming a “good woman.” You intoxicated yourself with the feeling called love and drowned yourself in it, despite the drawbacks of the ever famous hangover, the morning after. You rack your mind, thinking just one last time until you cannot think, dip into his memory and take a good stiff drink (Indigo Girls - Last Tears).
I don’t have cheer-you-up words for you now, when you’re already drunk on the last drop of sadness about how it was all wrong, that’s the time you make some coffee black and strong, give thanks for the healing time and finally make up your mind (Indigo Girls - Last Tears). Until then, consume all the hurt, until it won’t hurt anymore. If you want to be needed, be needed by someone strong. So when the time comes that you need him, he can lift you up and be your rock, doesn’t get as simple as that.
Love,
HOW are you?
I know you’ve been feeling restless and at some point now, you feel like throwing up everything you just ate – the home cooked quarter pounder you cooked last night. Was it because of the thick beef patty or the melted cheese singles? No, because I know what’s been eating you. I know what’s been bothering you these past few days. I know you’re thinking you once told your best friend, I think I’m gonna be ok now, but now you’re thinking what’s this restlessness all of a sudden?
You find yourself being jumped at by memories you thought were already buried by forgetting. You find yourself thinking about the things you sorely miss when you were together. You even thought about writing them down on a list but scrapped the idea, that It’d be like rubbing salt on your wounds. Reminiscing is poison for your already broken heart. Do you wanna kill it altogether? And then you find yourself thinking if he will tell you that he made a mistake and he wants you back when you arrive home next month. Despite your dysfunctional relationship, there remains a want to be back in the mayhem. A want to be needed.
And during the holy mess, how many times was it that you wanted to leave? You wanted to be a good woman and him a good man – that was why you were leaving and that was why you can’t see him no more (Good Woman - Catpower) But you also came back. And got stuck with your indecision of becoming a “good woman.” You intoxicated yourself with the feeling called love and drowned yourself in it, despite the drawbacks of the ever famous hangover, the morning after. You rack your mind, thinking just one last time until you cannot think, dip into his memory and take a good stiff drink (Indigo Girls - Last Tears).
I don’t have cheer-you-up words for you now, when you’re already drunk on the last drop of sadness about how it was all wrong, that’s the time you make some coffee black and strong, give thanks for the healing time and finally make up your mind (Indigo Girls - Last Tears). Until then, consume all the hurt, until it won’t hurt anymore. If you want to be needed, be needed by someone strong. So when the time comes that you need him, he can lift you up and be your rock, doesn’t get as simple as that.
Love,
Yourself
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